So I’m a student in the lower sixth form of high school(I believe this is called grade 11 in the US) and I’ve always had trouble approaching people and talking to them. I have a few friends that I’ve had since the start of high school but have never been able to get new friends ever since them, also tbh I have no idea how I even got these friends in the first place. I remember back at the start and prior to high school I used to have many more friends and i was very comfortable with them but after my second year in high school I had lost all these friends and was never able to confidently go out and talk to new people(Note: I believe the main reason i lost touch with those friends was because of different interests, I was never a fan of basketball and football while they were. They also are much more confident than me I feel like and they are now generally considered the “cool” ones in our form. Maybe there was another reason but I frankly do not know)
The friend group I’m in right now consists of very close friends that I’ve had for the past 4 years and I’m very comfortable around them but while they are very nice, I feel like they do somewhat restrict me because they’re interests are very “niche” if you get what I mean. I always hangout with them during lunches and breaks however now that our classes are split due to the different subjects we chose(none of them chose the subjects I chose like Math HL or Computer science HL, I do the IB curriculum btw if that’s important) and now that we don’t have the same classes I feel very uncomfortable and lonely during class time.
The main thing I feel that’s stopping me from going out and making new friends is that every time I talk to someone that I don’t know I end up changing completely in the sense that I let them talk while I just try to rack my brain for anything I can say and nothing ever comes up. I can never find anything to say and the conversation just ends in them walking away because I just sit there silent while they say things. I never have the courage to go to someone and say anything because before going I always just think of what I could possibly say and nothing ever comes up. Nowadays seeing as am going in to my final year of school I just feel like the opportunity to have made friends has long gone and just keep telling myself that maybe after high school things will be better.
If anyone has any tips for me I will be very grateful to hear them out with an open mind no matter how brutal it may be.
Edit: just wanted to mention that most of the friends I have are girls and have a lot more trouble making friends with guys than girls. I’m a guy btw.
Be yourself, be open and non judgement, and most important, be approachable.
How does someone become approachable? Genuinely curious
Translation: sort of try to genuinely like people or at least appear so. Disliking people yet not wanting to be lonely is sort of contradictory, and I have learned that only in my thirties.
Get a job, do volunteer work, be part of student clubs. Common involvement for the same things often leads to making great friends.
Stick with someone you think has the same interests as you and go for quality rather than quality which means 1 good friend is better than 10 bad friends. Just be yourself and you’ll find friends. Don’t stress it. Play whatever your generation’s kids are playing nowadays that will give u some info about it and you can enter the popular conversation in your circle. Also talk to new kids in your class they’re also looking for friends.
There is no such thing as the perfect friendship. Friendships are always changing and evolving and Friends accept people for who they are, through the good times and the not so good. 4 friends is good.
I advise my children to just start with “hi”, be patient and smile. Find people with similar interests so you have something to talk about and see how that goes. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being alone or shy it gives us time to nurture ourselves. Just be yourself and the right people for you will see your worth
Also talk to your existing friends about your feelings. They may surprise you. Ask to meet at lunch so you have something to look forward to. In class focus on the work and your enjoyment of the subjects. There will be Other people in your class who also chose the subjects because they like them too … boom! You have something in common, something to talk about.
You are lucky, most guys can’t talk to girls at all, and there’s nothing wrong with a guy having girl friends. It’s totally natural, men and women are meant to get on.
Lastly, hopefully you only have to do the last year of school once, so focus on your goals. Focus on school. Friendships change as you get older anyway, and as your priorities change. Don’t stress. Be the best person you can, take care of your health and set your plan for the next exciting phase of your life after school.
You can do this…